With Pleasure Comes Pain

10 August 2004 µ 12:46 pm
what are the odds....

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

10 August 2004
Contact: I. Wanna-bs
Sociology Awareness Today in Chicago
630 / ***-****

Shocking Findings Leave Researchers Astounded

“As a rare occurrence, it is extremely difficult to observe the V. performing the domestic act of ironing,” commented behavior specialist, Dr. Joseph Messson. “Imagine my surprise when my field surveyor interns phoned to inform me that the V. has ironed on two consecutive days!”

This morning, Dyelain Mian, an intern with Sociology Awareness Today in Chicago (SATIC), chose to do a morning study of V. She stood in the bushes and was able to see into V.’s home through the blinds. Several protective animals attempted to scare Mian, using the infamous scare tactic of “squeak-like” mews and poses that were cute enough for annual calendars. Mian watched through the blinds as V. plugged in an iron, showered, and returned with a pink blouse. She carefully aligned the blouse on her makeshift ironing board, looked over her shoulder, and grasped the iron firmly in her right hand. Mian covered her mouth as a gasp escaped. The hot iron pressed against the blouse, and V. was careful to follow the seams.

Yesterday, another SATIC intern found himself in the same position as Mian. Michael Dimitri peered into the window and watched as V. pressed the heated metal against a pair of khaki pants and a blue top. “I’ve watched her this entire summer, and this is the first time I’ve seen her iron,” Dimitri commented, “and to know that [Mian] saw her today, that is phenomenal! We have found an area of major change! This is very exciting!”

Messson held a press conference this afternoon and noted, “With changes such as these happening to the V., a ripple of excitement, fear, and doubt tears through our collective. If she starts ironing regularly, will she start cooking regularly? We’ve already proven that while she may wear women’s clothing now, she still has an affinity for men’s. We don’t know how to take this. What has caused this change – what forced her to want to iron? We expect to be studying her for many more years to come.”

The V. is a human with tendencies leaning toward that of a non-domestic. Several months back, with the guidance of a colleague known as Chiplerone, she was educated on how to iron within the confines of her own home. Visual documentation supports this claim. Up to this point, there was a strong belief that she never ironed before. Researchers have long questioned why she chose to learn; prior to Chiplerone's tutelage, V. stated in many SATIC interviews that, “ironing takes too much effort. Pull clothes out of the dryer fast enough, and wrinkles aren’t a problem. But if you don’t pull ‘em out fast enough, just hang ‘em up while you take a shower – the steam pulls out the wrinkles…easy!” Observers further questioned how firm her stance was when she was caught purchasing “wrinkle-free” garments.

“Yeah, she came here…” began a sales clerk, who agreed only to speak on terms of anonymity. “She specifically asked where the winkle-free items were and if they really worked. I told her they did, and she bought them all up! I ain’t ever seen anyone that excited about wrinkle-free shirts before!” Sales records collaborate the comment made by the clerk.

Mian and Dimitri have been assigned to continue with their field study. Messson is in the process of trying to set up an interview with the V. who has recently changed her telephone number. For more information, please visit the Sociology Awareness Today in Chicago website at http://www.really-it-doesn’t-exist.com or call Dr. Messson directly at 630/ ITS-FAKE.

	10 August 2004 µ 12:46 pm what are the odds.... FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 10 August 2004 Contact: I. Wanna-bs Sociology Awareness Today in Chicago 630 / *- Shocking Findings Leave Researchers Astounded** “As a rare occurrence, it is extremely difficult to observe the V. performing the domestic act of ironing,” commented behavior specialist, Dr. Joseph Messson. “Imagine my surprise when my field surveyor interns phoned to inform me that the V. has ironed on two consecutive days!” This morning, Dyelain Mian, an intern with Sociology Awareness Today in Chicago (SATIC), chose to do a morning study of V. She stood in the bushes and was able to see into V.’s home through the blinds. Several protective animals attempted to scare Mian, using the infamous scare tactic of “squeak-like” mews and poses that were cute enough for annual calendars. Mian watched through the blinds as V. plugged in an iron, showered, and returned with a pink blouse. She carefully aligned the blouse on her makeshift ironing board, looked over her shoulder, and grasped the iron firmly in her right hand. Mian covered her mouth as a gasp escaped. The hot iron pressed against the blouse, and V. was careful to follow the seams. Yesterday, another SATIC intern found himself in the same position as Mian. Michael Dimitri peered into the window and watched as V. pressed the heated metal against a pair of khaki pants and a blue top. “I’ve watched her this entire summer, and this is the first time I’ve seen her iron,” Dimitri commented, “and to know that [Mian] saw her today, that is phenomenal! We have found an area of major change! This is very exciting!” Messson held a press conference this afternoon and noted, “With changes such as these happening to the V., a ripple of excitement, fear, and doubt tears through our collective. If she starts ironing regularly, will she start cooking regularly? We’ve already proven that while she may wear women’s clothing now, she still has an affinity for men’s. We don’t know how to take this. What has caused this change – what forced her to want to iron? We expect to be studying her for many more years to come.” The V. is a human with tendencies leaning toward that of a non-domestic. Several months back, with the guidance of a colleague known as Chiplerone, she was educated on how to iron within the confines of her own home. Visual documentation supports this claim. Up to this point, there was a strong belief that she never ironed before. Researchers have long questioned why she chose to learn; prior to Chiplerone's tutelage, V. stated in many SATIC interviews that, “ironing takes too much effort. Pull clothes out of the dryer fast enough, and wrinkles aren’t a problem. But if you don’t pull ‘em out fast enough, just hang ‘em up while you take a shower – the steam pulls out the wrinkles…easy!” Observers further questioned how firm her stance was when she was caught purchasing “wrinkle-free” garments. “Yeah, she came here…” began a sales clerk, who agreed only to speak on terms of anonymity. “She specifically asked where the winkle-free items were and if they really worked. I told her they did, and she bought them all up! I ain’t ever seen anyone that excited about wrinkle-free shirts before!” Sales records collaborate the comment made by the clerk. Mian and Dimitri have been assigned to continue with their field study. Messson is in the process of trying to set up an interview with the V. who has recently changed her telephone number. For more information, please visit the Sociology Awareness Today in Chicago website at http://www.really-it-doesn’t-exist.com or call Dr. Messson directly at 630/ ITS-FAKE.
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