With Pleasure Comes Pain

12 December 2003 ľ 9:29 am
I'm happy, I know it, and I'm not clapping my hands

Oh dear. My imaginary friend, it's been 3 weeks and I still like newboy, who from this moment on shall be dubbed "The artist formerly known as newboy." Should I be worried?

I've always been easily amused. I always could find humor in things. My laugh disappeared several months ago, and I've rediscovered it. I always loved the movie "What Dreams May Come". The 'Annie' character (before she falls into deep deep depression) has this fantastic laugh. The character laughs at everything - and smiles for everything. I feel that way right now. I have this overall genuine feeling of happiness.

This is going to be very babbly...

I drove to Border's the other day. I wanted to spoil myself with a new magazine and just wander around. I found myself in the politics section, thumbing "Stupid White Men" since Mr. B took the copy. Just across from the politico was the astrology/superstition section. I grabbed the birthday book and flipped it open to my day.

I've read sections of this book already - first time was in Madison, second was in the hometown library, and now I sat in a lounge chair, with it opened on my lap. I read how I am the classic "introverted-extrovert" - why yes, yes I am. It's not easy to crack through the shell (hence why I have few *close* friends), but I have many, many acquaintances whom I like and enjoy talking with. And, even last night, I found myself just talking to people when the moment arises - the poor guys working at Tower Records listened to me yap at them with a smile, just like they're paid to do.

So, I think of 'the artist formerly known as newboy' and smile, since he's managed to crack through the shell. I can't emphasize enough how nice it is to feel comfortable with someone. I can just exist with him and be content. To quote myself in the simplest of terms, "it's nice." No, it's very nice.

I can't help but smile - to know of myself, that I have no hidden agenda, to know that I am relishing in the pleasant moments that have become part of my life. To be able to see the world through rose colored glasses - now that is something to enjoy.

I have no focus today, except to pick up my nephew. I'm putting him to work in the apartment so it can be fully exorcised by the end of tonight. Today, work is to be filled with getting my shit in order. One good day of organization is always necessary every now and again.

I can feel the currents of life surging through my body. And, I like it.

	12 December 2003 ľ 9:29 am I'm happy, I know it, and I'm not clapping my hands Oh dear. My imaginary friend, it's been 3 weeks and I still like newboy, who from this moment on shall be dubbed "The artist formerly known as newboy." Should I be worried? I've always been easily amused. I always could find humor in things. My laugh disappeared several months ago, and I've rediscovered it. I always loved the movie "What Dreams May Come". The 'Annie' character (before she falls into deep deep depression) has this fantastic laugh. The character laughs at everything - and smiles for everything. I feel that way right now. I have this overall genuine feeling of happiness. This is going to be very babbly... I drove to Border's the other day. I wanted to spoil myself with a new magazine and just wander around. I found myself in the politics section, thumbing "Stupid White Men" since Mr. B took the copy. Just across from the politico was the astrology/superstition section. I grabbed the birthday book and flipped it open to my day. I've read sections of this book already - first time was in Madison, second was in the hometown library, and now I sat in a lounge chair, with it opened on my lap. I read how I am the classic "introverted-extrovert" - why yes, yes I am. It's not easy to crack through the shell (hence why I have few close friends), but I have many, many acquaintances whom I like and enjoy talking with. And, even last night, I found myself just talking to people when the moment arises - the poor guys working at Tower Records listened to me yap at them with a smile, just like they're paid to do. So, I think of 'the artist formerly known as newboy' and smile, since he's managed to crack through the shell. I can't emphasize enough how nice it is to feel comfortable with someone. I can just exist with him and be content. To quote myself in the simplest of terms, "it's nice." No, it's very nice. I can't help but smile - to know of myself, that I have no hidden agenda, to know that I am relishing in the pleasant moments that have become part of my life. To be able to see the world through rose colored glasses - now that is something to enjoy. I have no focus today, except to pick up my nephew. I'm putting him to work in the apartment so it can be fully exorcised by the end of tonight. Today, work is to be filled with getting my shit in order. One good day of organization is always necessary every now and again. I can feel the currents of life surging through my body. And, I like it.
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